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den 2 juni 2005
My victory
Dear friends,
I never thought that victory could mean anything else than crossing the start finish line first when you are in the racing business. But the last 19 months have proved me wrong.
Ever since the accident I have dreamt about working my way back to be “whole” again and that could only really mean to be well enough to do what I’ve done for the most part of my life, drive IndyCar racing and being competitive. That dream has been a big part of the reason I’ve been able to work out so relentlessly.
A couple of weeks ago I got a phone call from Team Rahal-Letterman that gave me the opportunity to prove that to myself, when I was asked to get back in my “old car” for the Indy 500.
Still it was not an easy decision to make. I was informed that Buddy had crashed and would not be cleared to drive the race. I was taking an afternoon nap and all of a sudden it felt like someone would have hit me over the head with a hammer and I would be lying if I said I was not afraid for the decision I knew I had to make. It’s kind of dramatic to change from a “home dad” to a “gladiator” in no time at all, but after considering all facts there really was only one answer. I asked my wife what she thought about it and she said, “I know you need to do it, so go for it”.
I was well aware that the preparation for the race was less than ideal coming in so late but I still felt that I would be ok because I knew that the car and team was going to be one of the best combinations out there. I also knew I was ready for it. As a matter of fact I rather would have done it this way than to have more preparation time, but in a lesser team.
It also felt good to be able to help them out in a difficult situation. I would never have done it in this short time frame for another team.
I know the decision stunned the whole racing world and perhaps even some on the outside, because everyone thought I probably could never drive one of these cars competitively again. Team Rahal-Letterman knew differently because I did a test last year with them and nearly set the lap record, barely after having gotten off the crutches. They also knew that I would never take a decision to drive if I did not feel I was 100 % ready for it.
Once on the track there was no looking back. We set the fastest qualifying time in the whole field and our race pace was excellent too, after the first pit stop we were up to 11th from our 23rd starting position and I am sure we could have gotten a really good race result too as my teammates finished second and fourth and my car was at least as good. Only a little nut on one of the steering arms on our car decided to come undone and force us into retirement.
But a race result is only a race result, even if happens to be the greatest race in the word. What was more important for me was to prove to myself that it’s not about not getting knocked out; it’s about getting back up again and still be competitive. That’s the reward for all sweat and tears I’ve put in over the last 19 months.
It feels like its been worth every minute and if the world ends right now, I’ve done the best I could.
I cannot in words express my gratefulness to Bobby Rahal, Dave Letterman, Scott Roembke and the whole Rahal Letterman Racing team, who’s believed in me and has stood been behind my family through thick and thin during this time.
To give you an example, when I was in hospital there was always someone there from the team to give support to my wife and me and when we got back home the same guys came over to fit our house with ramps etc to allow for wheel chair entry etc. Over the years I’ve spent plenty of time visiting fellow racing drivers injured in hospitals but rarely seen anyone from their teams there to support them. To me that speaks volumes of this organization.
Some of you may think that I now definitely will get back into racing again. That is not automatically so. But it gave me a platform to do so, should I wish.
The last two weeks has been very good in the sense that I’ve really gotten a fresh perspective on what this life is about. On this level you cannot race because it’s “fun”. It’s about 100 % commitment in order to be successful. To give that commitment you have to be aware about what consequences that will have on your personal life situation. But that’s a luxury problem and a decision that I have to make, together with my family in the near future.
To all fans out there, thank you so much for your support, it’s been quite amazing!
Talk to you soon,
Kenny
kennybrack.com
KB
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